Wednesday, February 27, 2019

Parenting and kids

What have you got to say about new generation parents? They are very careful and very practical when it comes to becoming parents.
Its good that couples talk about it and decide when they wish to become parents. The scenario is changing and women aren't just becoming a mother but planning ahead well in time about her career and choices too,  which is good.
But the concern that I have is,  we have become dependent on the information that Internet provides us, when it comes to raising a child. We all need information and advice but should we just follow blindly whatever information is thrown at us?
For example,  when a kid shows tantrums, we have numerous advices on the internet telling us how a parent needs to solve it.
But during our times, we never had this privilege. Our parents would straight away tell us NO without beating around the bushes.
Its as straight as it can get. No tantrums no cranking and no fussing.  You would just get a wack on your bottom if you were caught misbehaving or answered back at them.  Our parents didn't have Internet to teach them or provide them with the do's and Don's of raising a child.
But we the new generation kind of find it hard when dealing with kids,  we look up to Internet to solve our daily issues we face with raising our children. Do not raise your voice,  do not spank them,  do not punish them.
We have to be friends with them and not act as parents. That the advice I got. But i am a parent first. I can't just sit and be calm all the time and not yell at them even when you see them throwing things around the house or wasting food or demanding for toys everytime you step out of the house. Practical just being impossible. I am going to be calm but I am also going to be strict when it comes to discipline.
raising your voice everytime is not the solution.  I get it.  Hitting and shouting on kids is never going to help either, but what about the kids who just don't get the idea of such conversation or tactics that we parents follow.  It seems our kids are smart enough to understand where this Conversation will lead to. You will end up keeping your side of the bargain and mostly continues the same way.  Like for example, when you are our shopping with your kid you surely would say "if you behave I will buy you a chocolate or will let you play on my mobile". Which is kind of bribing them.
This can be short term solution, but in the long run,  this will backfire.  The kids would have understood this by now that when they behave they will be rewarded.  They will expect it everytime.  The more you stay calm and try explaining to your kids to behave, everytime they throw tantrums, they sort of have become immune to this.  They would have understood that by now that they are not going to be scolded.
We must be able to teach them the basic value and importance of money and time. Kids process information much faster and they have the hunger to know more.  They are curious little tots. From the young age we need to set boundaries. When in need be a friend but also let them know that YOU are a parent and they cannot take you for granted.
Sometimes as a parent you need to be firm and keep your tone a bit high when you need to discipline them. You need to set limits.  Punishing them might not give results but occasionally when you think your child is not really changing the attitude you have to set things straight.
Kids can't control their emotions like adults.  They are learning and adapting to change and understand.  Not every kid is the same.  Some kids will understand right away when you ask them not to do it.  Some just don't get. The more you stop them the more tantrums they throw at you .
When a kid answers back to you and use fowl language in public, how would you react.  Many just let go and give in to their demands,  some punish them publicly and some show the frustration after getting back home.
What have we learnt from this?  We have channeled our frustration and stress on kids. They learn from us. When we stop then from expressing and stop listening, kids tend to show their frustration differently. If we parents are attentive and stop them right at time, we surely can let our kids understand the need to respect and be kind.
We need to show and teach them to more empathetic and let them know that anger or frustrating or by just throwing tantrums will not take them anywhere.
We all are learning. We learn with our kids. Nobody is born trained to be perfect. We need to connect with one another and set a strong bond and communicate openly to one another.

Saturday, February 23, 2019

Humans.Can't understand these creatures.  A human has "brain"  to talk, make decisions,  and has been gifted by nature, the intelligence to look after. 

But humans chose to hurt others in order to safeguard themselves.

Animals too have brains and they do understand feelings.  They too give birth as we humans do.  They breathe, eat, communicate,  understand, even shit like humans.  Just that they can't do the things we humans can.

It's as simple as it is.  Actually, animals can take care of themselves. We humans can't.  Animals have been in the forest and the moment we started destroying the forest.  Animals had to wander off in search of food and water,  just like humans. 

Yet we want to blame the animals for killing humans who encroach upon their land.  OK so look at this way.  When our land is taken or forcefully occupied what do we do.  Go for a war.  The difference here is animals don't have weapons other than their own paws n trunks n teeth to tear us apart. 

Animals are territorial. If we are taking something from them then at least make some provisions for the animals so that they won't venture out in search of food and water.  We have build dams stopped the natural flow of rivers.  Changed the shape of terrains.  What more can you expect from animals then? 

We need to give them the forest with water and food.  And when you see them on roads crossing just stop and give them space.  They will move. Just stop honking and use of crackers to scare them off. These are just temporary solutions. We have to give animals their right to live in their land. We can't just snatch away and blame them for creating havoc.

Animals will definitely respect if we respect them back else nature will take its course if we don't change.  

It's not an easy walk being a first time mother

Venus was one of that mom who had to take care of her little one on her own.  She didn't have a nanny or family members to depend on.  Her husbands work required him to be available at any hour of the day. She didn't want to go for a job because she couldn't afford to leave her kid in the hands of a stranger.

Well, you are not alone then. There are many women like Venus. She had her own dreams but she chose to give it a rest.  Because for her present was her child, that's all matters.  She wanted to give her child the support and be there when her child needed her.

Every first-time mother has this possessiveness about her child. They can do anything to protect them and provide them every resource.
It might not be easy for first-time mothers to look after a newborn without facing challenges.  Especially when you don't have anyone to guide you or advice you.

There is so much information on the internet. One can relate to many situations too.
A bit of advice to every first time mother is to not panic and stay as calm as possible. There will be many instances that would arise which might cause you to feel tired and feel frustrated.  Depression is something which one needs to avoid.

One can follow simple things such as
Keep the medical supplies handy, also have your doctor's number in case of emergency.
 Organize your work ( cooking, cleaning, Washing,  etc).
Have your friends and family on speed dial.
Keep a track of your baby's daily schedule. This will help you to plan things in advance.
Keep yourself engaged, read a book with your kid by your side.
Don't let go of your hobby.
Take care of yourself, take rest when your kid is resting.

Many have a different way of addressing the situations. As long as we stay calm and focused, we can overcome a lot of hurdles.

Friday, February 22, 2019

Don't Judge me for the choices I make

Someone told me “it must be hard staying at home and just cook, clean and wash. What a sad life. Don’t you ever feel that you need to step out of the house and work?”
Many of us “housewives” must have come across such comments; especially such comments are passed by women. Why have we come to this? Why can’t we just let a woman decide what she thinks is best for her and her family rather judging her for the choices she makes.

Being a stay at home isn't that exciting has it looks. Some chose to be mothers who wish to be there for their family. What’s wrong in that. I know women who are happy doing the household work, they feel satisfied to keep their house clean, their families fed on time. They love cooking, yet they are judged, pitied upon by saying that she just a housewife.

A working woman on the other hand also faces a lot of challenges, to juggle between family and work is daunting. Again she is judged and told that she is selfish, what is the need to work when her husband is earning well.

The society has been always critical when it comes to woman. The society is never satisfied at anything. They find issues and faults in everything when a woman decides with her life. No wonder these criticisms come from women fraternity.

We need to appreciate every individual, be it a man or a woman. They need to decide what's best for them and their family. A woman is already made to compromise a lot from the time she is born. Facing restrictions in every walk of her life's journey, which she has become accustomed to. But at one point when she decides what she wishes to. Let her do it and don't stop her.

We as a society need to respect one's choices and guide them, instead of just asking them to stop dreaming and clip off their wings. Giving birth to a child is a life cycle and you can’t change nature but we can lend a helping hand and work together and support one another.

Monday, February 11, 2019

Whats with Love these days?

Love. This 4 letter word has made life’s dance on its finger.  We fall in love. We break our hearts; we change due to love, god it’s just chaos. Every broken heart becomes a poet, a writer and pours his grief all over the empty pages. The one with his heart still intact with love also becomes a philosopher of love and tries spreading it wherever he can.

It’s ironic you see. When in love, we are the happy souls flying all around like nothing else matters. We see everything around us through the eyes of love. The flowers and teddies play such an important role when in love. I personally don’t like teddies. Am grown up and yes in love but why would I want to be gifted with a teddy? So being a girl with a romantic heart and a fan of mils and boons. I love romantic songs. But that doesn’t mean I like teddies with a heart on it. (Oh, make me sick).

The definition of love is changing. Moreover, it’s fast-paced just like our technology. Gone are the days when you used to write letters or wait for the crush to pass by. You wait all day just to look at her or him. Remember movies where a handsome man would wait for you in front of your house with flowers in his hand and some musicians behind him playing instruments or the man with a guitar in his hands and singing a song for you. And you come out of your balcony to see him confess his love for you, either you would accept and leave him with a broken heart. Women of all ages would go weak on their knees just dreaming about it.

But think about it happening now. Some may like it, some may just go fuming. Some will be put behind bars. For me, love was an innocent journey. But now love has changed. We use it so casually these days. Though we like something, we say we love it! So, the four letter word has lost its true essence.

We show our affection to the things we love. The people in our lives have different roles. We love them for it. But every relation has its own definition of love. So to put love in a bracket is never justifiable. No matter what we say, love has its own place in each one of our lives. It’s up to us how we define it.

Can't we get our kids away from Mobile?

"Maaaaa!  Give me your phone. 😳" .  Yelled my kid as soon as she saw me. "No am not giving you my phone. Go play with your...