Wednesday, February 27, 2019

Parenting and kids

What have you got to say about new generation parents? They are very careful and very practical when it comes to becoming parents.
Its good that couples talk about it and decide when they wish to become parents. The scenario is changing and women aren't just becoming a mother but planning ahead well in time about her career and choices too,  which is good.
But the concern that I have is,  we have become dependent on the information that Internet provides us, when it comes to raising a child. We all need information and advice but should we just follow blindly whatever information is thrown at us?
For example,  when a kid shows tantrums, we have numerous advices on the internet telling us how a parent needs to solve it.
But during our times, we never had this privilege. Our parents would straight away tell us NO without beating around the bushes.
Its as straight as it can get. No tantrums no cranking and no fussing.  You would just get a wack on your bottom if you were caught misbehaving or answered back at them.  Our parents didn't have Internet to teach them or provide them with the do's and Don's of raising a child.
But we the new generation kind of find it hard when dealing with kids,  we look up to Internet to solve our daily issues we face with raising our children. Do not raise your voice,  do not spank them,  do not punish them.
We have to be friends with them and not act as parents. That the advice I got. But i am a parent first. I can't just sit and be calm all the time and not yell at them even when you see them throwing things around the house or wasting food or demanding for toys everytime you step out of the house. Practical just being impossible. I am going to be calm but I am also going to be strict when it comes to discipline.
raising your voice everytime is not the solution.  I get it.  Hitting and shouting on kids is never going to help either, but what about the kids who just don't get the idea of such conversation or tactics that we parents follow.  It seems our kids are smart enough to understand where this Conversation will lead to. You will end up keeping your side of the bargain and mostly continues the same way.  Like for example, when you are our shopping with your kid you surely would say "if you behave I will buy you a chocolate or will let you play on my mobile". Which is kind of bribing them.
This can be short term solution, but in the long run,  this will backfire.  The kids would have understood this by now that when they behave they will be rewarded.  They will expect it everytime.  The more you stay calm and try explaining to your kids to behave, everytime they throw tantrums, they sort of have become immune to this.  They would have understood that by now that they are not going to be scolded.
We must be able to teach them the basic value and importance of money and time. Kids process information much faster and they have the hunger to know more.  They are curious little tots. From the young age we need to set boundaries. When in need be a friend but also let them know that YOU are a parent and they cannot take you for granted.
Sometimes as a parent you need to be firm and keep your tone a bit high when you need to discipline them. You need to set limits.  Punishing them might not give results but occasionally when you think your child is not really changing the attitude you have to set things straight.
Kids can't control their emotions like adults.  They are learning and adapting to change and understand.  Not every kid is the same.  Some kids will understand right away when you ask them not to do it.  Some just don't get. The more you stop them the more tantrums they throw at you .
When a kid answers back to you and use fowl language in public, how would you react.  Many just let go and give in to their demands,  some punish them publicly and some show the frustration after getting back home.
What have we learnt from this?  We have channeled our frustration and stress on kids. They learn from us. When we stop then from expressing and stop listening, kids tend to show their frustration differently. If we parents are attentive and stop them right at time, we surely can let our kids understand the need to respect and be kind.
We need to show and teach them to more empathetic and let them know that anger or frustrating or by just throwing tantrums will not take them anywhere.
We all are learning. We learn with our kids. Nobody is born trained to be perfect. We need to connect with one another and set a strong bond and communicate openly to one another.

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